My sis-in-law has some great advice and opinions about involving Dad. Read and Enjoy!
GUEST BLOG POST WRITTEN BY: JUST A COUPLE OF WIJNKERS
To start… this topic is way too enormous to cover in one blog post! In fact… I don’t know that it could ever be exhausted… but a friend of mine has some interesting thoughts on how men work and I would like to share them…
First off, this info comes from Jason Tucker (check out his blog at http://tippingsacredcow.com/ )
We teach a Baby Smarts program in high school around the area and this is something he often shares with the students… but I find it is fitting regardless of one’s age!
So… one of the biggest fears of men is FAILURE.
Now in the context of the class we teach… we focus on relationships and babies. It is this fear that will lead a high school male to never ask a girl out, even though everyone knows that he digs her, and she digs him. He will not ask her out simply because there lies a small chance that she might say no. So… how do they win the war? They don’t play.
Another way this fleshes out is in parenting roles. When a child is sick, or gets hurt, or is fussy…. who do they often call for??? – – – MOM.
Is this simply how they are built? Is it wired into them? Is mom just the superior parent? 😉 (kidding)
If you have never heard of the positive interaction cycle – listen up.
Children develop trust the following way…. baby has a need(hungry)…. baby expresses the need(cries)… someone fulfills the need(often mom)… baby relaxes until the next need arises.
As a parent meets the needs of their child again and again, the child learns that they can trust that person to respond to them. In most (and not all, of course) it is mom responding to the needs of the child.
Fast forward a few years and child gets hurt… dad may be right beside them…. but who do they want??? MOM
So dads tend to pull back… disengage from the “game” and say… fine – here’s mom. This is how they “win”…. the simply don’t play.
Interestingly enough, however… if Dad’s begin to engage… begin to meet the needs of the child consistently, change the poopy bums, bathe, feed, change, play with.. etc, you will see a shift occur! Child will learn to trust dad and even cry for Dad over Mom, or even the playing field and want either if they are upset!
Mark and I have seen this with Caleb… for a few months, Caleb would always reach for me, even if Mark was holding him. The more Mark has invested in Caleb… the more Caleb will choose him over me! Something I am not upset about at all! It allows me some time to myself once in awhile! 😀
Now for my observations…..
This can apply to a relationship as well…. if men feel as though they are not appreciated, or not living up to the expectations of the family… they will disengage and pull back. Why do you think it is easy for them to put in hours and hours behind a TV screen or computer monitor, or a game system? Because in those worlds he is in control, he wins because he sets the rules and the expectations.
The more that we, as women, encourage our men and reinforce that they are appreciated, the more they will engage.
Now I am not saying that this is a fool proof fix it. But sometimes knowing how our men tick can work wonders for our relationships! So while it may take some time… build up and encourage your man in the areas he is not strong in. Reinforce your appreciation for what he does do and once in awhile ask him to join you in the tasks you need help in. Once in awhile throw in the “I really appreciated you helping me out the other day with dishes” ( fill in the blank with whatever task you did together, or that he did for you)
And let me know what you think! Am I way off base here? What has your experience been? Any and all feedback is appreciated! 😀
***Disclaimer… I am aware that this may not fit all men, but I generalize here for the sake of the length of the blog post! *** 🙂